His absence did more for me than his presence.

I was in a serious relationship with his coldness, his lack of manners, his strange mania of thinking only of himself, his lies, and his ambiguity. I was in a serious relationship with your lack and this relationship was so serious that I closed myself in a world of difficult access and reach. I shut myself up for whoever it was.

When we met, I was in a quiet and very good moment of my life. Falling in love was not in my plans. I listened to romantic songs and thought of no one. And then, Life and its mysteries, allowed you to arise. And you have shaken all my structures, once so solid. Shaken for good and for evil. You were an earthquake because of the strength and intensity of the feelings you inflicted on me. But like every earthquake, what was left was not beautiful to see ...

A rock when it breaks, breaks into a thousand pieces. I broke down.

And in the midst of destruction, I lost some of the direction of the footsteps. I did not know if I was going forward, if I returned to the point of origin or went to the sides. I lost, I lost. And only a few moments later I came to understand that his presence was that he had taken me off the rails. When you disappeared, I came back to find me. His absence did more for me than his presence. The things you never said, your silence and your lack of news were actually the best you could give me. And it was only taking you so far that I was to understand that. Inside me at last there was peace.

But when we think the lesson has been learned, Life tests us. You reappeared. And when it reappeared I was no longer at that way. I had walked a few steps, my hair was shorter, my look more centered and most important: I was no longer the same. You told me "Hello. I'm remembering you a lot, looking for you without finding you "and I confess that I shuddered inside. But not thrill of excitement. I shuddered in fear. Fear that you intoxicated me again with your selfishness disguised as love. Afraid that I would believe again that his selfishness was really love. Afraid that I would fall into the trap of making excuses for your faults and believe that you are actually cold, by nature.

And for a moment I almost let that happen. I almost let you hold my hand, I almost let our lips touch, I almost let my heart feel the beat of yours, I almost loved you again, almost. And I resisted for a long time, five months to be exact due to fear. And that's when I knew my fear was not unfounded. I was not the only one in her life. Most likely, I'd never been the only one. His selfishness remained his chief characteristic; and without the least empathy you risked hurting more than one heart simultaneously. And you almost got it, almost.

I ran in the opposite direction, toward his absence. Toward where you were not. You have become a threat to my sanity. It was as if that love were going to end at the police station one day. I ran in the opposite direction with all the strength I had, bleeding, confessing, but determined never to allow lies to enter my heart and earthquakes to take me away.

And again I found myself again. Your absence was really the best you could give me. Radioactive, you did not bring me anything good. And I created as much distance as there could be between two people. A path with no return. A treaty signed on both sides. Treaty not of peace, but of detachment. Death of a relationship, whatever it is. The impossible between us began there. Fortunately. That's what the Law said!

It's hard to start over while your eyes still hurt. It's hard to believe in love again while your heart has scars. But within me that certainty: your absence was the best you and Life could give me. I had passed the test, I really had learned the lesson!